Build A Wall Of Books Between Us

The state of my health isn't the best at the moment, I have lump behind my right ear that is still the same size (quarter-inch) and hardness (like a small rock) as when I noticed it for the first time two days ago. My eyes are increasingly growing bloodshot and cloudy. I had to take another day off work today, which wasn't something I really wanted to do. It was pointless because my doctor can't see me until Monday, but they essentially demanded I not come in until I was seen by someone. I guess it's nice to know people are concerned, moreso than I am. I'm sure the lump is just a swollen lymph node or something, but I don't know what's going on with my eyes and the headaches. I've had a lot of time on my hands the last two days, and spent a lot of it just thinking and flipping between panic and indifference. I realized, and this will sound so simplistic, I really need to be more optimistic. Pessimism doesn't offer me anything except the ability to say "I knew this was going to happen" when something does go wrong. That self-destructive pat-on-the-back doesn't comfort me in anyway, so fuck it. Half glass full moving forward. I am going to be fine. All this health issues that came out of nowhere this week will pass and I will be a-okay in no time.

So, while trying to enforce this optimism, I will now focus on things that are uplifting.

I don't know exactly when it started, but for a very long time I've been attracted to chandeliers. Not gaudy, gold-plated 70's ones, but Victorian style ones or even more modern ones with fragmented glass. As a little kid, I always loved the idea of being able to swing from them. Then in the 90's, I remember seeing the video for "Come As You Are" by Nirvana and being so envious of Kurt Cobain.



I've had dreams of chandeliers, as silly as that sounds. They've never been the sole focus of a dream, but they would be present and often times swung upon by someone in my subconscious. I've thought about getting a silhouette of a chandelier tattooed on my arm, but like most my tattoo plans, I doubt I will actually proceed with getting it. It's just nice to think about.

Urban outfitters has these faux-chandeleirs that look decent and are affordable, but I'm sure after of having one up for a month, I'd grow to think it was tacky and cheap.

(http://www.urbanoutfitters.com)

I found mini-chandeliers that are more portable and less gimmicky, but they're also kind of small in size which may defeat the purpose of why I want a chandelier.

(http://www.unicahome.com)

My ideal home would resemble something like this (well, not exactly a cathedral... but the lighting).

(http://www.ffffound.com)

An old friend and one of the most amazing photographers I've met, Danielle Napier, took an amazing photo of a chandelier once and I begged her to make me a print of it. She surprised me with it for my 25th birthday and I finally (2 years later) framed it last week. It should be gracing my walls soon enough. Perhaps I'll take a snap of it and post it here. Anyhow, if you're bored and want to see A LOT of amazing work, check out Danielle's photos at http://www.fordearlife.org. If you can spot the two pictures I am in, I will make you a mix CD. Don't get your hopes up though, I'm costumed in both and it's damn near impossible to tell it's me.

Time to try that optimism in the dream-world.