Hold The Way

Let the record show that when the day comes that I awake no more, I wish to be buried in a classic black casket with chrome detailing, white or red interior fabric, and no religious markings on the lid. I wish to be put into the ground toward the evening, preferably around sunset or a bit later.

I also wish to be transported to the burial grounds in a pre-1970's Cadillac Hearse, or equivalent looking one. If possible, bury me near a tree - as I would prefer the shade. The location of the grounds can be wherever convenient for my family. I would like a proper standing stone with an inscription in a serif typeface (Caslon or Garamond), with my full name, lifespan and the quote “Idealists do not survive their hearts.” The quote may change by then, which I'll make known if so. I would also like to be dressed in a black suit, with matching vest and tie, with a white shirt - my hair to be slicked back, my hands folded over my chest.


Most importantly, and if it all possible, I'd love for Liz Harris/Grouper to be there to perform a few songs or soundscapes she deems appropriate - though I'm quite fond of “Hold The Way”, “Poison Tree”, “Heavy Water/I'd Rather Be Sleeping” and “We've All Gone To Sleep”, and especially that one new song that's yet to be released aside from on live recordings in which she says “I don't want to break you heart” somewhere during it. If she's not willing or able to, simply playing those songs and any other Grouper songs would suffice.

I would also prefer not to have any religious rhetoric spouted off, as I've never believed in anything of that variety and to imply that I did would be a grotesque farce. If loved ones want to say a few things, that's fine and well - whatever comforts them.

I'd also like someone to contact Lisa Nasby and let her know of my passing, and tell her that the small gesture of comfort she offered me (a stranger she'd just met) in the tree of Jenny Adam's backyard (after finding out Jenny, my girlfriend, told my best friend she'd preferred him) in the Summer before junior high is still one of the kindest things anyone's ever done for me.

Lastly, I'd want everyone to hug my Mom, in the instance of a lucky fortune I might have to pass before her (so as to not have to experience what losing her would be like). Hold her tightly and remind her that I am still with her, no matter what. No God, Devil or self-doubt can ever remotely, for even a second, change the love I have for her, and tell her how much I've always told people how lucky I am to have such an amazing Mother.

Don't read into this as an implication of any intended self-harm. We live in an era of digital documentation - this is simply a “just in case.” I've been to enough funerals to know how I'd like my own handled - that's all. I have no plans of going anywhere anytime soon.